Breastfeeding sucked to begin with, I mean sucked! I read so many mommy blogs gushing about how wonderful breastfeeding was; how it was such a great bonding time with baby… etc, etc. It was physically and emotionally draining. I’m not a crier, but I cried a lot!! Why couldn’t it just be easy?! It’s supposed to be natural right?

Benjamin knew what he was supposed to do from the time he was born; he just seemed too lazy to bother perfecting it. We would latch on fine, but was so lazy at nursing. So in order for him to continue “breastfeeding” I bought the expensive $400 medela pump, and pumped and bottle fed as often as I could, even if it was only 50-60% of his feedings. I was so heart broken to have to supplement the rest. In the end I don’t really know why I was so upset about that. Baby was just happy when he was fed. It didn’t help that breastfeeding is pushed so hard, and without directly saying it, they make you feel like a bad mother and failure for relying on help.

There were so many times I wanted to give up, throw in the towel and solely give him formula. But thankfully my husband supported and encouraged me to continue. As long as I was able to produce milk for our little guy, I knew I was giving him the best start to life I possibly could. My hubby would get up with me every feed throughout the night and feed our little guy as I sat there pumping. Without that I know I wouldn’t have been able to do it.

Finally!! After 4 months of pumping and bottle feeding baby learned how to nurse! I can’t tell you how relieved I was. No more carrying the pump around just in case I’m away from home for longer than 3-4 hours, no more pumping, cleaning bottles, and sanitizing, no more bottle warmers, just my body doing what it was designed to do. It wasn’t until this point that I was actually thankful I stuck with it for so long.

I so envy the mommas and babies out there that get it instantly. For anyone else who is having difficulties, stick with it if you can. Supplement if needed to ensure baby is full and happy or exclusively formula feed. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad or uncomfortable with your decision. They have no idea what it’s like in your shoes. At the end of the day, love your baby and enjoy your baby. They don’t stay little for long.

~n~